Friday, March 7, 2014
All or Nothing
Perfectionism. The word conjures up images of spotless houses, immaculate clothing and everything done just so. But there is a darker side to perfectionism. Many people who would consider themselves perfectionists live in conditions just the opposite of those I just described. Their homes are cluttered and dirty, their clothing is worn and poorly fitting and most people who look at their lifestyle would consider it slovenly.
But, strange as it may sound, it is perfectionism that leads them to be this way. This is due to their "all or nothing" way of viewing the world. They might decide that today is the day they are going to finally get the kitchen pantry organized. They remove the first item, a can of soup bought a few weeks ago on sale. But the perfectionist in them can't help but notice the sale sticker on the can and spend 10 minutes carefully removing the sticker so the can looks neat. After an hour of this they find they've barely made a dent in half the first shelf and give up.
Instead of seeing the value in having things better than they are now, they only see that there is no way they can make everything perfect. Their natural predisposition towards avoidance kicks in and they end up doing nothing at all as their homes and belongings fall into increasingly worse repair.
They may occasionally go on a marathon cleaning binge, making one room in the house look absolutely perfect after several hours of cleaning, but there is no way they can maintain that level of effort on a long term basis. Things eventually return to the status quo.
I recently read a story written by some anonymous internet fellow that I believe can be very useful if the all or nothing perfectionist can put it into action. This is the principle of GRADUAL, CONSISTENT and MORE. The saying goes:
"Be gradual, be consistent and always do more."
In other words, instead of massive, exhausting cleaning binges, start with something small. In fact, begin with something tiny. Maybe today you only take out the trash. You're starting out gradually with something that only takes a couple of minutes, so it should be fairly easy to do tomorrow. So that's what you do: tomorrow you take out the trash again, if it needs it. On day three you do the same, and so on. After a few days, you add in something new, like washing the dishes. Is the house perfect at this point? Definitely not. There are still huge mounds of clutter and unusable rooms buried under your thousands of possessions. But the dishes are clean and the trash has been taken out, so your house is that much better than it was yesterday.
You're now being gradual by starting small, consistent by doing it every day and always doing more by adding a new activity every few days or weeks. If we can overcome our avoidance tendencies and our desire to make things perfect right now, we can use the principle of gradual, consistent and more to make massive changes in the cleanliness of our homes and the quality of our lives.
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